Wardrobe Malfunction

Every woman learns quickly about what not to wear when commuting in New York City or suffers the consequences. Avoid light-colored pants on rainy days. Mind the gap on the platform if you’re wearing flip-flops. Check the see-through ratio of your clothes before heading out into the sunshine. Hold your skirt when climbing the stairs out of the subway.

I mastered all of these rules ages ago. Or so I thought.

Because last night, when I was descending to the 2 train at Houston Street, a wind caught my long, but lightweight, skirt and blew it near my neck, exposing things that should not be exposed. It was just like a page out of Marilyn Monroe’s famous sidewalk grate scene except that: A. She was a blond bombshell adored by men the world over. B. I am not. I responded by doing what any of you would do in that situation. I pretended it didn’t happen. What? Me showing everything my momma gave me in public? You must be mistaken. Except I had a witness.

I nonchalantly checked around to make sure no one had seen my coming out as it were and noticed a guy behind me at the top of the stairs talking on his cell phone. Or maybe he was snapping a photo. I’m sure if you google using the words Houston Street and cellulite, you’ll find it. I guess I won’t be running for president.

Maybe I should embrace this. Make lemons out of lemonade. I could be the Naked Cowboy equivalent of the subway. For those of you not living in the NYC area, the Naked Cowboy is somewhat of a local celebrity, like Dr. Z but with better abs. He can be found busking in Times Square with his guitar wearing only a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Okay. He is wearing tighty whities also. The Naked Cowboy has made a career out of one simple tenet: Everything is more interesting when you add the word ‘naked’. (Think about it.)

Interesting side note: The Naked Cowboy is a staunch Republican. He recently announced he will throw his hat into the ring to run for mayor of New York City. Of course without his hat he’ll have one less article of clothing available to lose when he plays strip poker.

But the Naked Cowboy has parlayed his gig into appearances in commercials, endorsements and music videos. I’m thinking this might work for me. I’lll appear in SubTalk posters informing riders about smart clothing choices or stand at station entrances handing out pamplets on windy days. Imagine: Your faithful subway commuter making a living because of an errant gust of wind. People have become famous for doing little else (Paris Hilton, anyone?). The Naked Cowboy recently was quoted as saying: "No one knows how to do more with less than yours truly.” Touche Naked Cowboy.