Ask Ms. Turnstiles

It is time for our first installment of what is sure to be a popular feature: Ask Ms. Turnstiles. This is where you, the reader, get to ask Ms. Turnstiles anything and everything about the subway.

Let’s begin with a topic that’s on everyone’s mind.

Q. What is this “doomsday budget” I keep hearing about?

A. This is the latest action blockbuster by Steven Spielberg in which the MTA decides to raise fares 10% while cutting bus and subway service in order to cover a $1.2 billion deficit. The climax happens when commuters smite the entire board of directors from the bridge of the yacht purchased by one board member for commuting to his Manhattan office from his home in Rye, NY.

Q. Ms. Turnstiles, I never understand the conductor’s announcements. Why is that?

A. Perhaps…should get...checked. Everyone…the…perfectly. Ms. Turnstiles…doesn’t…talking about. Oh,…very important…the…train…out of service. To get to…take the…train to…and then the…train. Got it?

Q. What are “metrosexuals”?

A. They are individuals who have sex (also known as “bing bong”) on the subway. (Thank you Dave Barry for this astute answer.)

Q. Is it true that you stole the name Ms. Turnstiles from the 1949 film “On the Town” starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra?

A. No comment.

Q. This is my first trip to New York. I love taking the subway, but when using my Metrocard, I often get a message that says, “Swipe again at this turnstile.” What should I do?

A. That’s an easy answer for Ms. Turnstiles. You should go up to the street level and hail a cab.


Q. Why do they call New York subway commuters “straphangers”?

A. Back in the old days (defined as P.B. or pre-BlackBerry) subways had leather straps from which riders could hang themselves when it took more than an hour to travel one stop.
Let’s wrap up this very informative session with a tip for commuters: Beware the Chinese curses lady.